you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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