Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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