Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
