i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
