Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
