Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
