hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
