Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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