Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
