He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
