im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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