nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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