So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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