walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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