I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
