I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
