i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
