Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
