Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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