I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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