I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
