the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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