she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
