He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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