how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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