I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
