the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
