My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
