btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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