I think I won the penis lottery.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
