laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize