Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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