I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
