drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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