That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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