dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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