But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
