I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
