Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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