i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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