no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
