Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
