so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
