i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
