We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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