i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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