First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
