I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
