3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
