Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
