You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize