So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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