Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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