Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
