someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
