I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
