Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
