I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
