I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
