You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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