guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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