i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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