the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
