How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
