Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
