normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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